First of all, I thank CC for the opportunity to opine for this online scribe, henceforth known as “the blog.” Truly disliking the word “blog” and knowing I’m not alone in my disdain for a word still in it’s infancy, I’ll let that go and attempt to write something of some value. Which brings up another point: I know sweet f.a. about the event management world so I can’t help you much when it comes to your next wedding but I wish you all the best (and throw an invite my way if the karaoke is involved). The only thing I know well is random. So good readership of the CME blog, I afraid we’re going to have to leave it at that and just be friends. I’ll try and keep it germane to something that might stick with you and maybe, just once, you’ll think of me. So, as the bard did once say, where is my purple drank?
I’m not sure what happened but what’s up with the effeminate vampire thing? Team Jacob, anyone? WTF? True Blood? What’s a Sookie? I feel lost. Give me some of that old-school vampire vibe where my bloodsmen had some balls and weren’t junked out on some watered down MDMA substitute – they just wanted to get their drank on and keep the posturing to a minimum. Regardless, I did wonder to myself aloud the other day: where would Sookie and Edward and that little bitch Bella hang out if they lived in Austin and not some gutter town? What crowd would they hang with it? It’s a rhetorical exercise but hang with me – or go “tweet” something and then come back.

TEAM JACOB!
Wow, don’t get me started. “Paging Andrew Ridgley, paging Andrew Ridgley?” Little rough and tumble Jacob would most likely be looking for some street cred – but with nice stemware. East Side Show Room? With his mason jar-Rum Daisy in paw, Jake would feel right at home among Austin’s burgeoning hipster movement. Here he could nibble on some very nice artisan charcuterie and wonder when the next MGMT show is. And how to get back at the Calvin Klein model guy who keeps stealing his airtime. Damn him!

BELLA
I actually kind of like her but more because she played Joan Jett but Joan’s not a vampire and hence, now irrelevant. But Lita Ford? Hot vampire mom who shreds. Yeah, anyway, Lil’ Bella likes it dim and depressive but with a soundtrack you can drearily dance to. But she needs to eat. Seriously, a taco, some egg noodles, something – the girl’s gonna blow away. She’s not yet the vampire (I haven’t seen the third one so don’t tell me if she jumps the fence and indeed now is) so she needs some real food. Uchiko is her spot. She can back up at the long graceful bar, admire graceful and well-appointed decor, ponder the Volturi, and hopefully eat some of the best sushi and Asian-inspired fare this city has to offer. And get bombed out on a great sake list and lighten up. A little? Please? Bella, dear?

EDWARD
Really? If this guy left his suite at the Four Seasons Austin, I’d be amazed. Hell, if I had his bankroll, I wouldn’t either. 24-hour room service and an amazing concierge staff to cater to his every whim? Hell no, he ain’t coming out. Plus his contract with Summit Entertainment stipulates he always rolls at a Four Seasons whenever possible. Unless in Paris, there, Edward always stays at The Ritz. Edward loves The Ritz.

SOOKIE and VAMPIRE BILL
Allegorical references restrained, these two are headed for The Good Knight. Cool, down-home vibe, great jukebox, no fried food, incredible drinks (ask Billy to make whatever he wants), and partially sober staff makes this their hang out. And they don’t have to walk far to procure more MDMA (Comal and 3rd) or hit another spot. Come to think of it, The Liberty would be a good scene for these two as well. East Side King trailer (great fried beets) in the back, dim outdoor lighting, and cheap beer (I think they have Abita) make this a great alternative. Whatever, these two are definitely staying east of 35. Tall structures intimidate them all too easily and no one would understand their thick-ass faux accents anyway.
Okay children of the revolution, I could drivel on more regarding 21st century vampires and their haunts for a while but those few immediately hit my mind. Lestat and Louis would have been more challenging but nobody remembers those man-whores anyway…

Until the next time,
TMR
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